in the shadows

as the sun roles off the earth 

we go deep

into the depths of our souls

deep into thought, we get lost into each others minds

there is nothing else that matters 

this place is the one place in the universe where we get lost in order to be found

we are connected by this one place, if we werent ...well im afraid to think of life without it

no one knows about it because to them it doesnt exists 

therefore it does not matter 

but to us it means everything to release this inner motion that drives all day long

now the darkness around us gets turned off by sunshine and we turn back to what the world sees us as 

but until the next night we come alive...........

ill be waiting

so.......

i hate people who put their two sense in where it is not needed 

the water in the pool

there was none

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

pounding in my ear

i hear it in class

i hear it during lunch

i hear it in theatre

i can even hear it when i brush my teeth

but i hear it even more when i pass you

and even more when i speak to you

its the tempo of the words that pass through my anxious lips

and when you embrace me it stops

maybe its because i cant handle it but no matter what i come back for more for even the slightest touch of the finger tips

its the greatest sound that creates the most amazing feeling in the world

like non other

you give me the courage to be open with you 

unlike the others you draw me to you causing me to hear it and when its so loud and fast to the point where i cant even hear it any longer........i know

but if its not i know im not close enough to you until its silent except for my shallow breaths

it only takes a real man to have my heart stop dead in its tracks

realization..........

its the best and most wonderful thing in the world

because when i finally knew it ...it was almost to good to be true 

and its funny because when i look back i dont know what the hell i was doing

oh yeahi know.....

 i was wasting my time

but no more of that i have bigger fish to fry now

and new ones to go try catching 

it was my main ordeal now its just a side thing

somthing i still look forward to but its not the thing i need

not that i ever did need it 

thats the thing with me is it.....

that i need it 

i need to feel it and thats why i haunt on it so much 

once im done its on to somthing new......and i will find somthing new i always do

but how bout i just stop and focus on somthing other than that 

and anything 

im a habit loving person and i create them so easily 

i just need to relax and go with it and stop fighting it

 yes realization ............

is the best thing i could do right now

just another confusing day

really today was amazing yes i was slightly all over him but hey i couldnt help it ahah?
he grabbed the note from my hand and held it out so i had to reach over him...k i admit i leaned over a little too much :P but he was just being different today and i believe that freakin dream is gonna come true .........im not ready to give up on him i just know it he different yeah he made a mistake but we are all human just like my mistake
for taking him back if he will let me................

just like my dad...

the world is so utterly judge mental
honestly i dont give a care what they think or what they say about me anymore
im me and i like me
im gonna say what i have been wanting to say for a long time
FUCK YOU WORLD AND FUCK YOU MAN-KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now that felt good and its what i believe i love people but i hate their nature
people critize when they are no better themselves all i want to do is love......but there is a problem with that

just cause you think he is all over your sister (when in reality he is soooooo not) doesnt mean you have to go talking crap about him get over yourself honestly you arent even you anymore you are so awkward around us now ...ugh and it pisses me off that you are turning into your MOTHER and you dont believe in what she does yet you do it yourself ...........the apple truely does not fall far from the tree now does it

now you ...........
you are becoming the person i said goodbye to last year
you are becoming mean look you have dan druff ...well fuck you too... honestly go get a life and a new face because im tired of seeing it WHAT!

and to you missy ...................
you know what!!!!!!!...i freakin love you!
you are the only one that i can stand in our group and im glad you feel the same way i do because now im not alone im so done with those two ahaha i still love them but sometimes i wanna throw them off a cliff!!!!!!!!!







i just wish i didnt care anymore because if i truely did i wouldnt get so utterly pissed about it
and i wouldnt be here writting about it either.........

kidding myself

every single day i have to stare into those hazel eyes and tell myself im over it
when in reality im not
no..
not even close