jerry

for all tense and purposes the person im referring to is now called jerry. i decided to write about jerry during 7th period when he told me that my blogs were boring....thanks jerry -_-.....so i said im gonna write a blog on how stupid he is and so on and so forth he finally MADE me write a blog about him so here i am.....hmm where do i start ahahah lets try from the beginning ahaha way back to summer of '08 when we first met. two words hella scary bahahaha but it was fun. from then on we txted and txted... yeah i know we are txting whores but we...well i couldnt help it he was someone new, someone interesting, someone.... who is so similar its all most to good to b true. and back to today he ditches his 7h period everyday to come see me which we talk and talk about mostly about me because noting is wrong in his life ahaha. let me fill you in on a lil something about jerry.

hes mean to me but in a joking way..i think

he acts like his life is perfect...but we both know deep down its not as good as it seems

hes a happy go lucky kind of guy

he quotes his dad a lot

he has amazing advice (even though it may not always seem like it at the time)

and the animal that he most likely resembles is a sloth

but one thing only a few people know he is my best guy friend. i go to him for everything and he always finds a solution for wutever problem i throw at him. i love that boy to pieces....but i dont have the slightest clue on why him. of all the people in the world lil ol jerry is the one. i just think God picked him to be there when i needed him the most and thanks to jerry i have a full head of hair :D jerry is the kind of guy who would randomly hold your hand, look into your eyes, look like he is gonna cry and then start praying!!  yup random as hell but i wouldnt have him any other way. jerry also makes me question my way of thinking and my thoughts by making me take a step back and just look at the big picture which seems impossible at times but jerry finds a way. we have a lot of memories i cant even gather them all. OMG i remember this one time when me and my friend  made him but pizza boxes down his shirt to make it look like he has boobs ahaha or the time he decided to be a model for artists in france who draw naked people...thats one picture i dont wanna ever see Bahahahah :D these are just some of the precious moments i wouldnt give away for the world. i love them and i love the boy version of me....jerry

from my point of view...

shes a whore but other than that...

when you walk away with her 

you walk away with me

when you hold her hand

for a brief moment you with it was mine you were holding

when you look into her eyes.....if you can even see them through the eyeliner she uses as an eye shadow......

you will see me

and when you say goodbye to her you are thankful because the whole time you thought of me and now that she is gone you dont have to look at the mistake you made and you dont have to think of the best chance you fucked up of ever having something real

security

i feel so lonely sometimes

that at night i hold my own hand to feel safe

its sad i know that....i have know that

but the truth is sad sometimes 

honestly?!?!

what are you trying to hide

you think that i cant see it 

well you are as stupid as they come

you cant tell me then who can you tell

just admit it you are in love with her 

btw dude its your decision dont let anyone tell you who to pick and choose who makes you the happiest

people is to songs

people are like songs

its only after a while you get tired of hearing that damn song over and over again

and it makes you sick when you hear it come up again

but its the worst of all when you choose to play that song 

even when the song doesnt want to play

i dont even know what to title it

you know when you are listening to your ipod and it sometimes sounds like everyone else can hear it too but its only you, but you wish they could? well i wish my heart was like that. i want people to be able to hear its beat because i cant anymore. even though its an inconstant beat, i have gotten use to its chaos .......its like its not even there anymore 

like im heartless. and im so sick of feeling like this i want someone to here it.......

i need someone to listen to tell me im still alive

not the the living dead...

i just wanna be able to feel again

who else

its not just one person

its all of my friends who see us together and say we act more than friends

but i dont see it, do i not see whats in front of me or are they just all crazy

i cant decide anything anymore and choosing to whether to believe them or not is the hardest thing ill ever do

beautiful..and what is your definition?

does the word beautiful mean anything to you?

you talk to HER all the time

SHE is in love with YOU 

but i cant see YOU with HER ......not at all 

SHEs like so not YOUR type 

YOUR type is athletic

and to come to think of it little ol me is not that either 

i just need a sign that you and me and somthing more than YOU and HER

true?

i was hanging off the ledge and only time could tell that i was gonna fall and when i was falling you weren't there to catch me you were falling next to me but then we both were frozen in the air and time stood still just for us to have a second chance and take a look at it.....................................

we  were eachothers second chance at love <3

suffocating....its a funny thing

when i start to cry and throw my face into my pillow.......even thought its uncomfortable the struggling i have to breathe feels good because when i don't  breathe for those couple of seconds it's a sign of me letting go......

Man period?

i see it....

Even your friends see it...

But the question is do you see it?

You're confusing the heck out of me. You are an emotional roller coaster met with a alien for all i know. you take not only twist and turns but you do 360s. one minute you like me the next you act like you don't even know me. What is your problem.....wait youre good at math aren't you? well i have one problem you wont be able to solve math boy its.....

you + me = ?

yeah thats what i thought you don't even know and thats why you are doing these 360s and you're taking me with you. i'm not your doll that you can drag around with you. if you had the key to my heart maybe this ride....lil game or whatever you have going on would be worth it but HUN you aren't even close! oh i see you don't want that...whatever thats fine but just realize that i'm not gonna be there when you need to fell loved. once im gone its audios

What i'm trying to say is are you worth my time or should i just move on from your sick...dark......twisted man period you are constantly on. but if you just need time then tell me when you have gone through menopause, grew up and your are ready for my heart....if you are even lucky.....

The Bridge

i know that when you are done with somthing you are suppose to burn the bridge..

but what happens when the bridge doesnt want to burn?

when..

all else fails 

write about it